Social Anxiety

Sometime around sophmore year of high school I started to develop severe social anxiety. As I get older my anxiety gets worse and worse. When I am in a large group of people I tend to just find a spot out of the way of everyone and not say a word. I'm sure most people interpret my behavior to be anti-social or bitchy but really I'm just trying to breathe and not cry.

For Fourth of July Russ' co-worker invited us over to his house for a barbeque. In the weeks leading up the event I kept telling myself that we wouldn't end up going so I had nothing to worry about. The morning of we were running errands and I told myself that we wouldn't have time to make it over to his house. We stopped by the house on the way down there because Russ forgot something. I ran downstairs to my bathroom and burst into tears. All I could think about was that I didn't know a single person there and Russ would be socializing with everyone and leave all alone. I heard Russ coming down the stairs so I threw on my sunglasses and tried to act normal. Unfortunately, when we were talking I couldn't stop sniffling and he figured me out. He told me not to go but I knew that I have to work to overcome this crazy fear of mine so off we went. Pretty much the whole time I sat in the same seat and only spoke when spoken too. I'm sure everyone probably thought I was weird or bratty but I did it.

I even was able to go to a party at Russ' friend's house Saturday. I got teary eyed a few times but never actually cried. Major improvement! Again, I wasn't the most social person in the room but I managed to get through it.